Dear Aunt Hill,
Are narcissists unfaithful by nature or by choice?
- Monogamous with VD
Dearest Monogamous,
Firstly, I'm sorry for the misfortunate health hazard you have been exposed to and assume you are seeking the proper medical care for that.
Narcissists, like two-year-olds, have difficulty controlling their impulses. Since babies do not have enough life experience to understand the concept of consequences, we patiently wait for them to learn. If the child never learns that consideration for others is in their best interest, we may have to assume that the adult is just plain stupid.
The selfish attitude of the narcissist makes one believe that s/he likes to act stupid. But that would be too stupid, even for a narcissist, which leads us to the conclusion that narcissists are stupid by nature.
The Bible is a collection of stories that tell us, over and over and over, why we should be faithful, why we should be kind, and why we should delay gratification. In short, because if you don't, everything goes to crap in a basket. This is a simple lesson that even an atheist can appreciate, but one that eludes those who live within a narcissistic construct.
It might be argued that a narcissist enjoys the consequences caused by his infidelity. However, this is not so; because what is experienced through narcissism cannot be enjoyed. When someone acts happy about hurting another person, s/he is, in fact, acting.
It makes no sense within the narcissistic construct to do something that doesn't generate immediate currency, be it cash payment or applause. Of course, no one applauds an adulterer, but from within the narcissistic construct, it is the partner who is at fault because this person was not there to satisfy an immediate need conjured up by a third party who may or may not have any idea what is going on.
The narcissist is really surprised that others don't see it the same way. S/he may even think they are stupid for it. This leads to a sense of satisfaction at having "taught someone a lesson" (ie, "you should have been there when I needed you, you should have been more attentive"). This line of thinking is twisted precisely because it will go in any direction to avoid the golden rule.
In the Bible, Satan appears as a snake and also as the first brother, among other manifestations. Regardless of the form of it takes, the reason to deny agency and responsibility - and thereby throw the community into chaos - is always the same; to distract the sinner from the consideration of his sin so as not to assume the consequences of his actions. And look how it always turns out!
Why does nature do that to the rest of us? That is the most puzzling question.